Well, I'm eighteen by
now. I have imagined this moment in a different way. In fact, everything turned
out to be pretty well. I am glad that I am me and not someone else. So, here
are just my thoughts. It has no value for others, but a great matter for me.
Confirmed one amazing
thing which I hadn’t believed in earlier. I realized that an ideal does exist
and I'm convinced of this. It exists, but it is not achievable (as always :) I
am lucky. At least, I can’t do that, though I have a huge desire. Perhaps this
is just a bad joke of the energy conservation law. But, if it still subsists,
then maybe the fact of its inaccessibility can be fixed somehow. Or not, maybe
the perfect is to be so abstract, so that one can only dream of it. But I hope
for the opposite :)
Sometimes I make rules
for myself, when I repeat the same mistake several times. I am very easy to
become attached to people. Perhaps this is part of my kind and naive character
(and modest of course :). But the fact is that if a person starts to occupy a
large part of your heart, when he disappears from your life, even for a short
time, you miss him very very much and feel that something important is missing
from you, it hurts. So I'm struggling not to get used to someone, I don’t know
whether it's right or not, but when you're attracted to person, it's hard to
resist. Anyway, this life is not so interesting, when you don't have someone to
be inside your thoughts :)
Some moments I catch
myself thinking, e.g. when I want to do something, but I know that I can't. Why
can not we? Because. You just can’t. Nobody behaves such a way. What people
would think. Bla-Bla-Bla. So - this is complete garbage. There is no the word
"you can't". If you need it, or really want it -> it IS allowed
(not speaking about violations of the law). And you don't have to be cared of
any common principles and even social norms. Every single creature has an
opportunity to go its own way. Generally every time there's a word you can not,
ask yourself: 'what the hell'. You'll have a different view on the problem
after. I actually believe that it’s possible to achieve dreams. You just need a
clear plan, and strictly to follow it all the time to go through it, and never
to stop going. After all, if there is a destination on the map, then in order
to get there you just have to go, and sooner or later you find yourself where
you want. I now have the advantage, and it is due to the fact that on my way
there was nothing superfluous, and it saved me a lot of precious time that can
be spent usefully. Strange, isn’t it? Looking at a sweet lovely girl nobody
suspects that she grows wiser and wiser and wiser every day. I get pleasure
from the fact that I'm drawn to it and I'm getting smarter. Recently caught
myself thinking that sooner or later I'll have to get married, have kids (no,
no, not in the sense that I do not want it - on the contrary :), and I have to
stop programming, I just won’t have enough time. Sad … But now I can do it as
long as I wish, and most importantly - What I wish. It is so encouraging that
there is a technology! I believe that it will be even possible to download food
soon, just not sure whether it’s possible biologically or chemically to know
the composition and the DNA of the substance and to express it with some
formula. If you're engaged in an interesting affair, you can head and share a
lot of amazing things. Especially when there are no distractions. I want to
raise a force of character and try to keep concentration for a long time, not
wasted on some small things. Some days I’m checking my e-mail with 5-minute
interval, want to get rid of it.
Actually, I have great
plans for the future life. To implement the most impressive of my ideas, to run
my projects on, to speak at the conferences, to write a book, maybe to teach
programming at the University and engage in research, to visit the most
interesting beautiful places in the world, to taste the most delicious and
unusual dishes, finally, to go to the rock 'n' roll concert, visit Disneyland,
to touch the clouds form an air balloon, to catch a salmon from the yacht,
learn to play snooker, fall in love forever and many many another things :)
