All you need is

Once again a stream of thoughts about this hackneyed worn out topic. 

Being investigating myself mostly during the last time and trying to understand the cause of my inner feelings I came up with two types of love. 

Love is the wrong word. This word has absolutely different meanings for different people. Almost everyone think being in love with a person bidirectionally means that you belong to each other. This is absolutely wrong. Love shouldn't bring any moral, mental, physical constraints into life, only joy. It should be the source of inspiration, nirvana, the corner of relaxation, no hint of coercion or violent forcing to something. It should help you come closer and closer to what you like, to find yourself. 

So, I came with two thoughts. 

The first is like this - imagine the thing you like most in your life, the thing or a process, like reading, watching movies, listening to music, chocolate or beer. Beer. It makes you feel good, happy, or just makes you move into state you enjoy being in. It wants nothing from you. You can relax. You can have it whenever you wish. You can stop having it whenever you wish. The same can be projected on other things - books, food, walks, porn, programming - up to you. Someone may say that I can't call this love. But I can, because that's one of my definitions for that word. This is love, this is apearing exclusively based on my wish. The common characteristic of all these objects is their continuous availability and the lack of opportunity to reject you enjoy it. Beer can't stop you from drinking beer at some moment, your wish stops you. 

The next thought is different. I like to receive presents. But sometimes I really like to make presents to some people to see their smiling eyes, for some unknown reason. That doesn't mean I like making presents to everyone every time.. of course not, because it is also my wish and wishes are volatile and spontaneous. How do I understand that I love the person? Well, it's not one-moment conclusion. I love the person when it's fun to be and to stay with the person. I don't now speak about this classic definition of "love" between a boy and a girl, when they date, kiss, etc. I can love anyone, not looking at the gender. The request is like with the previous beer story, I still have some wish (much more complicated and tangled then the wish of something beer gives),  and I this person is somehow able to fill the emptied by this wish parts of my soul. These parts are replacable, but don't want to be empty though. For that I love some people, few of them, because rare of them are able to do this magic, help me exploring things, understand dark lanes and alleys I am trying to grasp. That is my wish, but there are also wishes of that person, person isn't a beer. One moment comes, when I think that I can put up with some things I don't completely like, because I love the feeling I get being with the person. And this feeling of readiness to accept is like giving a certain amount of yourself to continue satisfy the wishes, not your own wishes this time. Until you are ready to give away something that you love for something you love even more - it makes sense, and this is real love too. Otherwise it wouldn't bring you joy, because you would be trying to hunt and chase for people losing the initial source of what you really like.

Tunes of people

Music is wonderful. Songs and melodies make my soul feel undescribable inexpressible feelings, waking up new unknown lights and colors inside. It is hard and always pleasant at the same time to find and hear the melody that can unexpectedly touch delicate shivery parts of my heart at this current moment. But when it is found huge attraction arises so it is twice difficult to stop listening this song. I think it happens because person contains sort of a mix of  wishes, memories, dreams, imagination,emotions, fantasies, moods, thoughts ... and all these ingredients, combination of them can't be expressed and shown clearly, as it is. It is like hash, we can't get the real value from hash easily, so it's hard to know exactly if it would suit us, to know it we need to compare our hash with all others, millions of others. It's like plunging into the ideal invisible reality where true person is woken up and it can last forever. So you are in love and you can do nothing with it ♥

Technologies are also like melodies! And...

People are like melodies. Dealing with a person is like listening to the song. You can enjoy it or not. And the process that identifies the pleasure is the same magic as with music with one additional detail. Melodies are something intangible and ineffable, but people are concrete. But people are tricky, they encapsulate intangible and ineffable mix of magic inside. Like functors or monads. Though, it doesn't matter. There is also an option, when you like the person, but at some moment realize that "there is nothing more interesting" or similar. Comparing to music, it is when you listened to your favorite song 100500 times and then just lost your interest. How many "favorite" songs did you have?

Yes, strange thoughts come to my mind because I am writing this :) There is one common in all of this. Why do we listen to music? communicate with new people? Why do we try new technologies? To have fun. To receive the positive. To revive the things we are missing inside. And then why we become bored of songs, tired on people.. In my thinking, it is kind of human inertia. If we feel awesome now with current way of things we are trying to leave everything as is, expecting everything to stay as is. But the world changes, and we are changing. While listening to music I have fun and I'm happy when I hear new incredible songs, and when I got used to them I just listen to another songs from which I will potentially find another great ones. When I meet new and awesome people IRL or in the Internet it is really interesting and fascinating, everyone is so different, each of them brings certain happiness.

What I wanted to say... Don't be tied and attached to one-moment immediate things, I mean don't get upset when they transform into something else and don't cause the same feelings that  have inspired you earlier. Stay focused on what you expected to get from it.

Happiness the way I see it

Recently, I have noticed a movie on TV. It is a pity that I didn’t hit at the very beginning and didn’t see the name of it. The movie was a bit boring and monotonous, but it was impossible not to be watching it. The picture was like this: A monk and a young guy are going up the rocks on the hill. All the way monk tells the guy that when they reach their destination to the top of the mountain - they see something quite extraordinary, something supernatural, incredible, but did not say specifically what it should be. The path to the top is very long and complicated to go. They are talking about life on different topics... A monk asks the young man: "Are you happy?" He answers: "Now, we are going such a huge way, and we will open something amazing. Yes, I am happy." Next, at some point, monk stops and says: "Well, we have reached the destination." The guy turns around and asks: "So what? What is incredible?" The look of monk stops at some stone: "Well, let’s take for example this stone. It's perfect." Man with a disappointed face asks the monk: "And we have walked for so long only in order to see some common stone. Are you kidding me?" Monk responded: "But were you happy and did you enjoy the way you overcame?"

This movie made me think over what true happiness is really about and why some people are unhappy. Many philosophers and books assert that happiness is manifested only in special moments and did not stay for long with us. I see happiness as a substance, abstract and even infinite or recursive process. But as with any process, the "happiness" process must have some effect (the task, purpose, destiny if you want). While the young man was going to something unimaginable, to the fact that he wants to see, he was happy throughout even extremely complicated way. I identify the place where he was going - like a dream, and his way to the top - happiness. That is, true happiness is impossible when there is no dream, while the "dream come true" isn’t so important, because you've already worked this way to a dream, and you are happy. Happiness is not a goal in itself, it is a movement to it.

So, to be happy, you need to find a dream to follow the right way and enjoy it.

Why are some people unhappy then? Don’t they have dreams? If you think so, this is partly true. If you look at the life of an ordinary person not from a rich family, who is working every day and hates his job, who stays working at night to feed his children, he gets tired, he has money just enough to pay for the food and the flat, which he has been saving all his life... In this situation, the meaning of a person's life – “Live - to survive”. And unfortunately, it's not uncommon. It’s very difficult in this situation to find the strength to do something, and in general, to find the desire even to want something. And in fact, it is a problem. For every person in the world under all circumstances, no matter how hopeless it may seem, the potential dream of his life surely exists to open the happiness way if he looks carefully.

Some kind of person has many small pleasures in his life, which are forgotten very soon, and all again continues to be boring. Happy person faces some unpleasant things, happening frequently, overcomes it soon and continues enjoying his life again.

18!

Well, I'm eighteen by now. I have imagined this moment in a different way. In fact, everything turned out to be pretty well. I am glad that I am me and not someone else. So, here are just my thoughts. It has no value for others, but a great matter for me.

Confirmed one amazing thing which I hadn’t believed in earlier. I realized that an ideal does exist and I'm convinced of this. It exists, but it is not achievable (as always :) I am lucky. At least, I can’t do that, though I have a huge desire. Perhaps this is just a bad joke of the energy conservation law. But, if it still subsists, then maybe the fact of its inaccessibility can be fixed somehow. Or not, maybe the perfect is to be so abstract, so that one can only dream of it. But I hope for the opposite :)

Sometimes I make rules for myself, when I repeat the same mistake several times. I am very easy to become attached to people. Perhaps this is part of my kind and naive character (and modest of course :). But the fact is that if a person starts to occupy a large part of your heart, when he disappears from your life, even for a short time, you miss him very very much and feel that something important is missing from you, it hurts. So I'm struggling not to get used to someone, I don’t know whether it's right or not, but when you're attracted to person, it's hard to resist. Anyway, this life is not so interesting, when you don't have someone to be inside your thoughts :)

Some moments I catch myself thinking, e.g. when I want to do something, but I know that I can't. Why can not we? Because. You just can’t. Nobody behaves such a way. What people would think. Bla-Bla-Bla. So - this is complete garbage. There is no the word "you can't". If you need it, or really want it -> it IS allowed (not speaking about violations of the law). And you don't have to be cared of any common principles and even social norms. Every single creature has an opportunity to go its own way. Generally every time there's a word you can not, ask yourself: 'what the hell'. You'll have a different view on the problem after. I actually believe that it’s possible to achieve dreams. You just need a clear plan, and strictly to follow it all the time to go through it, and never to stop going. After all, if there is a destination on the map, then in order to get there you just have to go, and sooner or later you find yourself where you want. I now have the advantage, and it is due to the fact that on my way there was nothing superfluous, and it saved me a lot of precious time that can be spent usefully. Strange, isn’t it? Looking at a sweet lovely girl nobody suspects that she grows wiser and wiser and wiser every day. I get pleasure from the fact that I'm drawn to it and I'm getting smarter. Recently caught myself thinking that sooner or later I'll have to get married, have kids (no, no, not in the sense that I do not want it - on the contrary :), and I have to stop programming, I just won’t have enough time. Sad … But now I can do it as long as I wish, and most importantly - What I wish. It is so encouraging that there is a technology! I believe that it will be even possible to download food soon, just not sure whether it’s possible biologically or chemically to know the composition and the DNA of the substance and to express it with some formula. If you're engaged in an interesting affair, you can head and share a lot of amazing things. Especially when there are no distractions. I want to raise a force of character and try to keep concentration for a long time, not wasted on some small things. Some days I’m checking my e-mail with 5-minute interval, want to get rid of it.

Actually, I have great plans for the future life. To implement the most impressive of my ideas, to run my projects on, to speak at the conferences, to write a book, maybe to teach programming at the University and engage in research, to visit the most interesting beautiful places in the world, to taste the most delicious and unusual dishes, finally, to go to the rock 'n' roll concert, visit Disneyland, to touch the clouds form an air balloon, to catch a salmon from the yacht, learn to play snooker, fall in love forever and many many another things :)

Not what it seems

Why do I sometimes feel like laughing, but sometimes like crying? Why do factors, even in no way connected to me can affect my mood? Why I was not given full control over my emotions.. but, well, now I have a better handle. And why sometimes there is a desire to be alone, so no one will touch you – and sometimes other way round - terrible desire to be with your close friends. The first pertains to me to a greater extent. Being alone makes you the closest thing to your true inner world. When you spend a long time in solitude your worldviews are changing, your attitude to people, the view on your purpose of life, on the opinion at what you want to do – all this things become more correct.  It’s hard to live in an environment where people do not appreciate your values and beliefs. It’s nice when there is at least someone who can understand you, because he knows how difficult it is, when you are told “NO”, but you break the wall and say “YES”, when they say “No, you will never manage!”, but you reply “Why somebody can, but I can’t?”. Sometimes it even adds strength, the desire to try something unusual appears.. but sometimes pressure is too strong and it’s good to find the stamina to not break. One is invariably - I will always have difficulties and I will always have something that will interfere, so we must not think like “well, it needs just a little bit more efforts and nothing else”. Unlikely. Because something that you are doing now - this will not solve all the problems forever. So, the main is to go up and to improve yourself, enjoy every moment, as an instant of absolute happiness won’t occur by himself. 

Goodbye 2012 :)

I'm so happy about the thing that it's Christmas weekend now and it's time to restore my strength,  that I've put into the previous year :) 2012 year was very extensive for me. I've made a great jump in my personal development, and I had to change myself a little bit to understand the real commercial world. Almost every non-conflict person thinks that all people are kind and friendly, until he experiences this for himself. And I was not an exception, before I've faced some kind of difficulties. I've just realized that if people don't want to believe in something, even handling proofs in their own hands - you will never make them believe. But if you fail to make them believe that you are not just empty place, they'll think of you exactly that way forever. But why do I have to prove anything to anyone? First - cos I live in society, and something can happen only in the process of interaction with it. Second. Look at the majority of your country's citizens. The way they live. What can they afford? Whether they are satisfied with their life? Do you agree to live the same way? If the answer is yes - you can safely continue to live with accordance to the way you used to live, without any additional activity or proving something. My answer is 'No'. The next step is to understand, that to break forward - having a rest all day long isn't enough. When the river is not flowing, it becomes a swamp. The person is like a river. So ask yourself a question: "What is the most pleasant job for me, except having a rest?", "Who am I within the five, ten, twenty years?", "Is it possible in the current circumstances? ". If it's not possible - just change circumstances (maybe even environment). If you don't start to improve your own life, it will become better unlikely. Designing some kind of plan/strategy helped me a lot. Whenever I have a goal, I always divide the achievement of the goal task into the smaller mini-goals. And if somebody or something interferes with your goal - change your action (the path you are moving forward to the goal). The second way does always exist. In case you have some difficulties and complicated problems, it's a good practice to have a spare reserve 'Plan B' - it's like an airbag. For me another important thing is tracking my 'total progress', the question like "Am I doing nonsense??" helps a lot :) It happened that I have switched the conditions and actions several times during the year. Also, I have fallen in love with a guy this year. Can't say he was a guy, gopnik - the most suitable word. Generally, he turned out to be a vile hypocrite and a liar. I realize I didn't even like him, I liked the fictional character he wanted to appear in front of the girls. No, he's not stupid, but lied like an idiot. Let him be happy and meet with a girl with the fifth the size of the breast :) Girls-programmers differ from blondes in the way that for us it's enough to understand once(!) - there is some number of morons of the guys, blondes claim that every guy is a moron, cos they are blind for smart ones. Finally, I have shortened my naivety and increased self-esteem. In autumn, I've got acquainted with the person I like. I like him as a person, maybe he has become my friend, I don't know. 'Friend' for me is a smart guy I like to communicate with, I have an infinity of common topics with, with whom its interesting in the current moment of time. Generally, it's great when you have such a person near you, or not near.

2012 was a good year :) Remember, don't deliberately become less significant figure than your abilities allow you to become.

Merry Christmas!

How to please a girl-programmer

If programmers have some preferences as to girl-programmers, girl-programmers do have it too. 

What kind of guy will be pleasant to girl-programmer?

1. Appearance – the first thing people notice.

For girl-programmers, unlike the majority of girls, the way how the boy looks like is not very important, the main thing is not to be dressed in narrow jeans and a pink vest, like the one Justin Bieber wears. This exasperates and sets in not a very positive perception of the person. Next just a personal preference is going, nobody can guess. But still, the guy must be at least a little bit nice.

2. The way the guy talks.

Speech should be clear. Not in sense that you need to distinctly pronounce each letter, it is necessary to form a logical proposals, each of which must have a meaning. It must be clear that you have an analytical mind and algorithmic thinking. You can try to make jokes. Girls-programmers love guys with a good sense of humor. But only with good. If you are unsure, it is better to remain silent. If a guy is a break - he has no chance.

3. The way he looks.

Any person, who wants to make friends with girl-programmer, must have smart eyes. She should realize that you understand what she is talking about.

4. Become a friend.

This is the main part. To make friends with girl-programmer, it is necessary to have common topics with her, to make her interested by your side. The easiest way to do this is to be a programmer. Girl-programmer is always talking about programming, and if it will be something to tell, and you will not generally understand what the talk was about, she will just find someone else to talk about programming with. If it suits you, it is enough just to be a pleasant person, smart in some other field of endeavor. But the main thing is to be smart.

5. The way he behaves.

The guy must have a character. There must always be an opinion on any situation. He must have a strong inner rod. He should be able to make decisions, to properly evaluate the risks. It is important for the views of life to be similar. Though girl-programmer is a programmer, but still stays some kind of a girl, that’s why she needs somebody to trust and to feel safe with.

6. You must be on an equal footing.

Girl-programmer is a kind of person that cannot fully obey someone. So you have to be as an equal with her, or at least you should make such an illusion. The guy shouldn’t earn less than the girl-programmer. If he's a smart man, he will manage. 

7. The major.

It must be a pleasure to be with you. You don’t have to be unique, but you must attract. Girl programmer should be interested. There must be some highlight which will hook.

8. If you are a programmer and you:

Are smart, nice, kind, not boring, witty, not lazy, not greedy, don’t smoke, don’t drink, depend on computer games weakly and you will be engaged in coding with her on the weekends - you have all chances to please a girl programmer :) 

Thank you…

Thank you…

I want to tell “Thank you” to my close people, who love me. Thank you, my dear family!

Mother, Father and Sister. I don’t know what my life would have turned into without you, without your love. I always need the feeling of strong security under the sunny beams of yours. The invaluable contribution in my future cannot be estimated. Father, thank you for finding the right strategy path, for analyzing every possible variant, for directing me, for extracting unattainable programming books and resources, for making me strong and absolutely independent, really an adult person. Only you have always understood my point of view, when everybody was finding it incorrect.  Only that’s why I’m not like the others now. Mummy, thank you far your care, for attention to my feelings and mood, for caress, for great and kind desire to facilitate my life, and I’m sorry that I do not always take your point of view, but I know, that you want everything the best for me. Sister :) The only my friend. She is like a peace of oxygen under the water, like a rainbow after the rain, like something I can’t live without. She is the person, who has my full trust and never really abuse.  Love you!

Love of my life

I have two things in my life that I really love. This is my family, especially sister. I would have never become so strong inside without her. The second thing is programming. It helps me to reveal. It is the most pleasant thing in the world, with the help of which you can even earn money. It is an immense area. Sometimes, I feel that I know so much, but really it is about in 1000 times more of unknown. But this business suits not every person. I suppose, you need a special type of character. I like this, because you can make every thing, which flies into your thoughts. The major is to have a great desire, imagination or ideas, and ability to study. You are lucky when you are surrounded with people, who share your interest, who you can talk with. They were absent for me for about six years, and sometimes it was very hard to find a solution, but when I has been guessing to how to design and realize some functionality without using the help of others – the inexpressible delight was inside me :) Now, it is simply nice to talk to somebody competent on the topic of programming. Especially to person who is engaged in problems a bit different from your area. The best valiant is the competent or parallel to yours technology. In that case you have an opportunity to compare. For example, C# and Java. Windows and Linux. Also, I have already wanted to find a person, who is highly skilled just in my area, than he maybe have opened those things for me, that I have got used to name «tricks». It is often discovered in the process of development, and always appears with some experience. I already know a lot of such tricks, but always want to learn more and more.  It happens that it is pleasant to help other programmers, when they can’t manage something, I direct them and prompt. I get some kind of moral satisfaction from it. I often help sister to study programming, but not in a way of just putting the information in her head. No. It is useless. I try to point and direct her to those moments, that she would have hardly noticed herself. I give her some samples, illustrating how does it works in a real world. Sometimes, thoughts like “what will I do if programming ceases to please to me?” come in my head. There are a lot of opportunities for me in our big world. I can teach, it is possible to be engaged in researches in computer laboratory, different variants are possible … more. But for some reason, it is frequent that I have an image in thoughts, as though I am thirty years old and I am sitting on the beach of the transparent azure ocean, the pleasant easy breeze is blowing, and I have a very tasty drink in my hand, and my notebook computer on my knees with Visual Studio launched :) But it is just dreams. And they are really can made come true.