Once again a stream of thoughts about this hackneyed worn out topic.
Being investigating myself mostly during the last time and trying to understand the cause of my inner feelings I came up with two types of love.
Love is the wrong word. This word has absolutely different meanings for different people. Almost everyone think being in love with a person bidirectionally means that you belong to each other. This is absolutely wrong. Love shouldn't bring any moral, mental, physical constraints into life, only joy. It should be the source of inspiration, nirvana, the corner of relaxation, no hint of coercion or violent forcing to something. It should help you come closer and closer to what you like, to find yourself.
So, I came with two thoughts.
The first is like this - imagine the thing you like most in your life, the thing or a process, like reading, watching movies, listening to music, chocolate or beer. Beer. It makes you feel good, happy, or just makes you move into state you enjoy being in. It wants nothing from you. You can relax. You can have it whenever you wish. You can stop having it whenever you wish. The same can be projected on other things - books, food, walks, porn, programming - up to you. Someone may say that I can't call this love. But I can, because that's one of my definitions for that word. This is love, this is apearing exclusively based on my wish. The common characteristic of all these objects is their continuous availability and the lack of opportunity to reject you enjoy it. Beer can't stop you from drinking beer at some moment, your wish stops you.
The next thought is different. I like to receive presents. But sometimes I really like to make presents to some people to see their smiling eyes, for some unknown reason. That doesn't mean I like making presents to everyone every time.. of course not, because it is also my wish and wishes are volatile and spontaneous. How do I understand that I love the person? Well, it's not one-moment conclusion. I love the person when it's fun to be and to stay with the person. I don't now speak about this classic definition of "love" between a boy and a girl, when they date, kiss, etc. I can love anyone, not looking at the gender. The request is like with the previous beer story, I still have some wish (much more complicated and tangled then the wish of something beer gives), and I this person is somehow able to fill the emptied by this wish parts of my soul. These parts are replacable, but don't want to be empty though. For that I love some people, few of them, because rare of them are able to do this magic, help me exploring things, understand dark lanes and alleys I am trying to grasp. That is my wish, but there are also wishes of that person, person isn't a beer. One moment comes, when I think that I can put up with some things I don't completely like, because I love the feeling I get being with the person. And this feeling of readiness to accept is like giving a certain amount of yourself to continue satisfy the wishes, not your own wishes this time. Until you are ready to give away something that you love for something you love even more - it makes sense, and this is real love too. Otherwise it wouldn't bring you joy, because you would be trying to hunt and chase for people losing the initial source of what you really like.
